five things that I'm too short to do...

1. Fly an F-16 fighter jet in the air force

Everyone who has ever seen Top Gun has dreamed of being a fighter jet pilot. Forget the BMW, Porsche or even the Ducati, there is nothing like seeing a man suited up standing next to an F-16 fighter jet. Unparalleled chick magnet. Now while it may not be a "dude magnet" - seeing as I am a girl - I do feel that it is a the perfect accompaniment to my diagnosis of a "Napoleon complex". Nothing gives you the feeling of power and control then having surface to air missiles literally at your fingertip. While searching for some information related to something totally different - I noticed when I typed "height requirement" into Google one of my options that was suggested was "height requirements for air force" - so of course out of curiosity I checked it out - and low and behold - you need to be 64 inches to be a pilot. I don't know why I was even moderately surprised. Damn. If I could have only been 5'4!

2. Fit in a landscape photo with anyone taller then 6'2:

My roommate in college was 5'11, we always looked really strange in photos together. My boyfriend is 6'1 (I think) and we also look strange standing in photos together. So if you are short and want to try and mitigate this problem here are my suggestions:

• Always take photos sitting down, this is generally my rule of thumb. See if you can get the taller chair.
• Get the photo from knees up - and stand on a ledge, curb or step (wait for a later posting about the short persons secret weapon - curbs)
• Heels - though this doesn't always work - My highest heel gets me to 5'4. And in reality, I have to be stationary in them. There have been many a photos where right before the picture is taken i take a tumble onto my face - this probably has to do with my lack of balance and general klutz-ery but I usually deflect the blame and point out the fact that heels more then two inches mess with my center of gravity. Physics - its your fault.

3. Be a professional runway model:

Lets not kid ourselves. I never actually thought that I would be able to be a runway model. As a kid, I did ask my dad if it would be possible - my dad, who is 5'6 - broke out laughing. Though what was a bit on the surprising side - I'm too short to even be a petite model. Apparently most petite models are at least 5'3'. This is why I call shenanigans on 'petite' being politically correct for all short people.  Sigh - children's clothing here I come. 

4. Donate sperm

Aw damn. And that was my backup plan for financing my children's education. Most sperm banks have height requirements for sperm donation - and its usually taller then 5'. It seems that sperm banks are systematically making sure that smaller people won't repopulate. This reeks of heightisim. Get that squiggly red line away Chrome - "heightisim" IS a word. 

5. Be an OR (Operating Room) nurse

This one was kinda surprising. I can't get 100% validity on this one - but from some of the things I have read  - apparently there is a height requirement of 5'2 to be able to see over the operating table... take that mom and dad - I knew there was a reason I never wanted to be a surgeon. I'll just stick to the board game.